Super Mario 64

Game: Super Mari 64
System: N64

I love this game. I'm sure we all remember when this game came out we were all like OMG THEY CAN DOES THIS WITH GRAPHICS???? This game is frustrating too, trying to get all 124 stars. Remember getting 100 coins in every stage? Ugh. This definitely brings back some good memories from my childhood. Someone did ask me if I were going to play the DS version remake of this game and the answer to that is yes. The remake is very VERY different. All the Mario characters are in it and the stars are placed in different places. You can't beat this original one though.



Now see this game already becomes Peach's fault. We all know she is into Bowser and Mario keeps stealing Peach away from him. I'd be pissed too if this fat little plumber man kept messing with my chick. For real Mario? How many times does Peach have to constantly be taken by Bowser for him to realize SHE DON'T WANT YOU DOG.
BUT.....she did go and invite you to the castle by making a cake. You know Bowser in the castle all mad as shit because she invited Mario. You know she had to be all polite and invite the neighborhood to let them all know they were a cool couple. You fuckin up Peach. Bowser don't give no shits about the neighborhood. He just wants you to bake HIM a cake a little bit of that......PUSSSSSSSJNDNSWD. But see Bowser is a nice a guy though deep down. Anyone who has played Super Mario RPG knows Bowser is a cool dude. So overall this is entirely Peach's fault for whatever happens in this game.

Bomb-omb Battlefield
 
This world was alright. It was easy and fun, I guess. I like the fact that you had to go back into this world to get the final star because it required the wing cap. I am a very 'get all stars now and move on to the next level' kind of player. This game prevented that by finding other power ups in different levels. The Big Bomb at the top was a joke. Grab him from behind and throw his ass. 3 times and he is dead.

Whomp's Foretress


I liked this level because it was always a matter of climbing to the top. Anything to do with getting to the top is always a fun quest. There was nothing hard about this world. Ride around on the owl to get the star in the cage. Whomp, though, needs to chill with his personal shit. Look, it's not my fault people go around and use you guys as stepping stones. You need to take that up with all of the concrete business. Besides, how are you even going to complain when you are walking and jumping all over the place on what appears to be a concrete platform. You can step all over your boys in battle but not you. Please....stomp his back and kill him.

Jolly Roger Bay
 

I always liked this level. It felt like a real world to me. It starts out where the ship is under the water and you have to actually go inside to fill it with air. The levels after doing this shows the ship floating at the top. That is cool to me because it is very interactive. There wasn't anything too difficult in this stage. Just do....whatever it says to do. lol.

Cool, Cool Mountain


I hate this level because no one likes to slide all over the place. Also, this level introduced racing the penguin on the slide. I don't know how many times as a kid I used to die on this race. It makes you have to go very very fast to beat him. You can't cheat by going through the wall or falling off to a lower platform either. It is frustrating but not nearly as frustrating as getting the damn ball from the top of the mountain to the head at the bottom. I hated this because it took me so long to figure out that the ball is following you. I used to of course jump off the side and wait for it. BUT UGH WHY WAS IT ALWAYS MISSING THE HEAD???? Lol, then I saw that you had to slide down with it. It still was frustrating. I hate this world and that is that.

Big Boo's Haunt


I always liked this world because of the way it was set up. It is a house and you had to explore the house to get the stars. Some things required items you needed in other levels. Some things required really looking around this house. I also like how you went into the shed and did the entire circus thing underground. We fought Big Boo...what....3 times. I remember it sucked getting the star at the top of the house after beating Big Boo on the balcony. I'm sure I was doing something wrong but I long jumped my way over to the roof and carefully walked across the top to get the star. I was a bad ass...I think........unless that was the only way to get the star. Hmmm.

Hazy Maze Cave


Every single part of this level sucked. I remember the 100 coin star was absolutely the 2nd worst in the game. The first worst is the Rainbow Road even though its not Road because Rainbow Road is Super Mario Kart so I can't remember the name of this level so I'll just leave it at RAINBOW LEVEL. The RAINBOW LEVEL was the worst 100 coin star ever, but this was a clear second. The reason it was so bad was the fact that there are probably 105 ish coins in the whole level. Yes, I made that number up but it feels like it. Every star in this level was super annoying because there were a lot of drops and a lot of mazes. Do you remember the toxic purple crap you have to walk around in that killed you? It took me my whole childhood to figure out that I needed to back jump up onto that platform to the door. And to find out there were TWO DOORS! Unbelievable.

Lethal Lava Land


This level wasn't that big of a deal to me. It was actually fairly amusing. None of the stars were that difficult to get. I guess the volcano star was hard but not really. You do have to be super creative with trying to get all 100 coins though with the lava being everywhere. I don't know...not much to say about these stars. POUND GROUND THE BOMBS UNTIL THEY FALL IN THE LAVA. It amuses me to see other people trying to punch them. NOT SMART. Also, fun fact, Nintendo planned to have Blargs in this level but it never was implemented for whatever reason. *shrugs*

Shifting Sand Land


This level used to be really annoying when I was a child. I hated the fact that it took forever to get over to the pyramid, and we all know how many times I've been squished, drowned in sand, and killed because SAND ISSUES. Nowadays as a better player I found out all it takes is a double jump to the platform and get the flying cap. Then I can just fly around the stage doing whatever is needed to get the star. Inside the pyramid was kind of cool but tedious. I used to love how Nintendo put in mini stages within the stage. I remember my mind was blown when you finally landed on each of the red pillars just to have the pyramid top blow up. THEN, HOLY CRAP, you can fall into a hole now? I remember the excitement of seeing where inside the pyramid we were going as we descended onto yet another hole.

OMG THEN YOU HAD TO FIGHT THESE!?!?!?! CRAZY!!!! Hah. Too bad they were super easy. Punch the eye until they die. Meh.

Dire, Dire Docks


I thought this was a cool level. It was cleverly designed. There was a big submarine you were able to explore, manta rays you had to follow, pole jumping, something to do with the tornado in the middle, etc. It required a lot of different power up hats to get some of these hats. It was a clever level and it was fun. The pole jumping was kind of annoying but overall I enjoyed the level. Also, you can't fight Bowser until the submarine is gone!

Snowman's Land


Nothing snow related is fun in Mario 64. There was nothing fun about this level. If you did not time the jump on the enemy that makes you spin fly over to the ledge...you were screwed. There were a lot of moments in this level that I felt you were screwed if you mistimed something. Hated it.

Wet-Dry World


This level was pretty cool. It felt a lot like you had to figure out puzzles. I remember trying to figure out which water switches to hit that would raise the water to the needed level. Also, there were challenges in getting some of the stars...like the secret spots. Don't forget about the wall jumping to get that star in the cage. That sucked. And to top it off, the way you jump into the painting determined the level of the water. MIND BLOWN. NOT ONLY THAT, you could shoot across the game into the corner hole and it took you to an abandoned town. This level was one of those rewarding levels as you figured out the puzzles.

Tall, Tall Mountain


I loved this level! This was the only level that felt very open world like. There were so many things you could do on the mountain. Some stuff was as simple as climb to the top. Some stuff required you to get red coins. Remember the star that sat on the mushroom that was impossible to get too? Then there was the star inside the waterfall. I really felt the exploration in this game, which made this level so much fun to play. They even did one of favorite things that people tend to hate. There was a secret wall that you could jump into. It was cool because as much as I love mini stages inside the level it was a slide. Oh you know how much people love slides. I thought it was amazing because at the end I think it dropped you out at the bottom of the mountain. What amazing complexity!

Tiny-Huge Island


I never was a big fan of this level. It is an interesting idea with the changing of size but I felt that there were unnecessary difficulty with that. This level felt disjointed and once you figured out what to do you were most likely frustrated because you were the wrong size, or were in the wrong area as the right size. I don't know. I didn't like this level. I hated the red coin star. Getting to the little cave was not easy and after doing that I cannot tell you how many times I've fallen off of those pillars. Annoying. Also, fighting....

...Wiggler was a waste of time. Poor guy was just living in his house when Mario dropped in to kick his ass. What did he do to Mario? Yeah ok Wiggler had a star but damn....what's so hard about asking him if he could have the star? I'm sure Mario and Wiggler could have negotiated some kind of exchange. Wiggler was probably a cool dude. I mean yeah he has an anger problem but....shit....if you had someone jumping on your head who just literally broke into your house trying to kill you...I'm sure you'll be pissed. I'm sorry but I'm rooting for Wiggler in this case. Go Bowser and Wiggler.

Tick Tock Clock


Meh. I like the idea again of this level. It was cool that the time on the front of the clock before you jumped into the picture determined the speed of the level. I found this level to be more frustrating and annoying than anything else. Prepare for a lot of falling. The best advice I have for this is to just get whatever star you come across. I remember trying to plan the star the level told me to get but due to having no idea where I was and the fact that I was falling everywhere...I'd just get whatever came by. Also, jump into the picture when the clock strikes 12. It freezes all of the components inside the level and the majority of the stars don't need them moving. I was able to get most of them with the frozen level. It is an annoying level but....you are near the end of the game so what do you expect?

Rainbow Ride


Look at all this bullshit in the picture. This entire level is bullshit. I HATE HATE HATE this level. This is considered the last titled level in the game and it is a doozy. Expect to die a lot. Most of the time you are flying around on a carpet and ANY FUCKING WRONG MOVE makes you fall. With no ground that means you die and have to start the level over. I hate this because every star takes FOREVER to get too. You'll be riding the carpet for 3 years and you FINALLY MAKE IT....but no you timed the jump wrong and are falling to your death. Woohoo...do it again Mario because you suck. Good luck shooting over the rainbow. It is hell to get to the ship and now you are shooting yourself across the game in a canon hoping you land on an island. YEAH....THANKS GAME. Don't even get me started with the 100 coin star. This level gives me nightmares.

After all of those levels there isn't much else to talk about. There are some side levels that you have to do to get special caps like metal, flying, invisible, etc...even though there is no etc because there are only 3 caps. -_-; Anyways, there are secret levels where you have to get red coins like the fish tank, um....can't think of any except the damn cloud secret level. This is also another suck level in this game. It is opposite of the rainbow ride level in the last room of the castle. It sucks ass because you have to shoot yourself in canons to other clouds to get red coins. One wrong canon shot and you are doomed. If the wing cap runs out you are doomed. If you fall off of the cloud you are doomed. If you ground pound on to a cloud but missed you are doomed. There is a lot of doomed! The fun part of this doom is that if you fall you don't die....you just fall into the courtyard of the castle. Yes, that means you have to walk your ass all the way back up to the top of the castle to get back to this level. It is annoying. Just be careful and you should be fine.

Bosses!

Bowser. You swing him in circles and throw him at a bomb. Dead.


Bowser. You swing him in circles and throw him at a bomb. Dead. But this time you are in a lava level.

Final Boss

Bowser. Yeah, shocking. Let me guess...you swing him in circles and throw him at a bomb. Very creative Nintendo in differentiating your bowser bosses. HOWEVER, you must do this 3 times instead of once like the prior Bowsers. The ground turns into a big star and it makes swinging him harder....I guess. He isn't too hard to beat so no worries.

AND FINALLY AFTER BEATING BOWSER 3 TIMES YOU SAVE????....wait....did we save Princess Peach? Come to think of it this entire game is pointless. Never once did I see Peach captured. Never once did she complain she was somewhere else trapped. No toad or other character warned me that I was in the wrong castle and that I'd find Peach elsewhere. So what the hell was the purpose of this game? I get 124 stars and defeat Bowser. Yay? Remember, Princess Peach invited Mario to the castle for some cake. Nothing was wrong at the time of this invitation, which means Bowser was chilling inside the castle at the time of the invitation. Peach never was captured. I think Mario just went in there and fucked up the castle regardless of Bowser and Peach being totally cool with everything. Even at the end of the game all that happens is WOOHOO YOU GET A CAKE.........which was the point of coming to begin with.

No threat in this invitation.

After you beat the game here is the cake.

*shrugs*

Like I've said a million times. I am pro Bowser and I think Princess Peach has a weird freaky desire for Bowser. I don't judge. Whatever makes her happy. Don't forget to check out Yoshi on top of the castle too.



This picture is dope. Credit to whomever did this.